Of sperms, eggs and balls...

I was sitting on my notebook with Brendan (age 8+) beside me doing his homework while Eryn (age 6 1/2) was reading a book.

Suddenly, this conversation came up :

Eryn        : mummy, my egg is here right? (pointing below her belly button)

Mummy  : Huh?

Eryn        : There, you see, (pointing to a kids Biology book, as per picture below),

                  this is an egg.

Brendan : Oh, I know, it's where the sperm swims towards the egg.

Mummy  : *eyes big big* (double) HUH?!

Oh well,  and that’s how I realised I had to get started on my basic introduction about the birds and the bees. I asked if they really know what are the sperms and eggs for and this is how to conversation went on :

Eryn        : The sperm is in the boy’s kukubird

Brendan : Ya, and the egg is inside the girl’s body.

Mummy  : Yes, and when the sperm meets the egg, you can have a baby.

                  And it is very important that you must understand.

And then, the conversation got really funny :

Brendan : How can the sperm go to the egg? The sperm is in my 'kukubird' lah.

Eryn        : Hahahahaha......

Brendan : So, you better don’t touch my sperm. Actually, the sperm is my two balls.

Mummy  : *eyes rolling and controlling laughter*

Eryn        : You see this book (pointing to the picture below), sperm plus egg equals

                  baby in the womb.

Brendan : Mummy, do you know that it is very dangerous if a boy only has one ball?

                  He can die one you know.

Oh well, that’s all on the so-called basic sex education. This was really getting nowhere. Besides, I was so tired to be able to do any proper explanation as it was nearing bed time for the kids.

This is the cover of the book. A very, very good book which I bought in the last Big, Bad Wolf sale. It covers mostly on the human body and the kids learnt a lot from there.

How babies come out?

Last night, I heard a very funny and wierd conversation between my 6 y.o. gal and 8 y.o. boy. They saw a news  highlight on Channel News Asia about a Japanese lady giving birth to a baby.

Brendan : Mei-mei, you see the baby looks so funny.
Eryn        : Last time when we were babies, we looked like that too.
Brendan : Why they didn't show where the baby come out from? Baby doesn't
                   come out from the 'du-chi' (navel). Actually, the doctor cut open the
                   stomach to take the baby out.
Eryn        : No lah, baby come out from 'petpet'.
Brendan : *silent, and thinking seriously about something*
Brendan : Hmm..... how to come out? the 'petpet' so small lah.
Mummy : *burst out laughing* (both Brendan and Eryn turned quickly to look
                   at mummy)
Eryn      : Mummy, why you laugh? (both their face were very serious and thinking
                hard about the baby issue)
Mummy : Some women deliver baby by cutting up the stomach. We call that
                 caesarean, or c-sect. Some women deliver baby naturally, like how I
                 delivered you two, which is through the vagina (had to explain that it's
                 not the 'petpet'). God created mothers to have a womb where the baby 
                 is kept and fed (another long explanation), and grow safely. The womb
                 can expand according to the baby's growth and when it is time for the
                 baby to come out, the vagina will prepare itself and expand for the baby's
                 head to come out as well.
Eryn      : If the baby get stuck then how?
Mummy : then the dr will help to cut open a little, or maybe use forceps (again,
                  have to explain) or vacuum.
Brendan : hahahaha... BRRRRRRRRRRR .. take the vacuum cleaner and suck
                   the baby out meh??
Eryn       : hahahaha..... (pretend to hold vacuum cleaner and pulling action).
Mummy : sigh! No, this is a special type of machine ONNNLYYYYY meant to
                  deliver babies.
Brendan : Girl so poor thing hor. Have to pain-pain to give birth. Boy no need.
Eryn      : But your tummy so big leh, kor-kor. Like got baby like that...

Brendan and Eryn started laughing and continued doing their normal drawing activities.

tummy pipe??

Kids always say the darnest things. They say it sincerely. They ask you serious stuffs. They sit and think about what you say. And all these without them knowing that it sometimes get hilarious just hearing the things they say.

Here's what happened recently.

Eryn was staring at mummy using a pencil eyeliner to draw on mummy's eye lids.

Eryn :    Mummy, this one draw on people one ar?
Mummy : draw what on people?
Eryn :    Neeehhh.... why you use pencil to draw on yourself? Pencil is for drawing
               on paper lah.

Brendan about to take his bath yesterday morning.

Brendan : Mummy, must wash my pyjama or not?
Mummy : Yes, must wash your pyjama
Brendan : Which one? Shirt or pants?
Mummy : both lah...
Brendan : then you must put "s"
Mummy : What ass?
Brendan : You must say Pyjamasssssssss and not pyjama. Must got "s".

It's so hard getting the kids to sit down and eat properly and at times, they take such a loooong time to finish their food! One particular night, we were talking about the importance of finishing their meals.

Mummy : You have to learn how to eat yourself and finish all your food.
                  Mummy have to spend time to cook for you all. Not many
                  people are lucky to have nutritious home cooked food you know.
Eryn :    Ya, I know, but mummy, my mouth so small. Your mouth bigger that's
                 why can finish faster mah. So you feed me can?
Mummy : Are you still a baby? No, right? When you were a baby, I fed you cos
                   you didn't know how to eat on your own yet.
Brendan : Mei-mei, you know baby got tummy pipe.
Eryn :    What tummy pipe?
Brendan : We all got 'du-chi' (navel). Why baby one is tummy pipe?
Mummy : I don't know what tummy pipe you are talking about.
Brendan : neh.... the baby inside tummy got one long, long pipe.
Mummy : Oh! That is called the umbilical cord. It's for the food to be transfered
                   from the mummy to the baby.
Eryn : Why? Baby got no mouth meh?
Brendan : How the food go through the ambicolor cord?
Mummy : It's UM-BER-LEE-CAL-CORRRRD
Brendan : So difficult to say. Tummy pipe easier.

And so, the conversation continues into the night. And both asking me tons of questions at the same time and then started arguing, insisting on me answering their questions first!! And I almost lose my patience trying to explain.

Professions

One day, when I took Brendan back from school, the teacher told me something really amusing.

The topic for that day was "Occupation". The teacher asked Brendan whether he would like to be a doctor when he grows up, so that she could go and visit Brendan and she is old and sick. Brendan immediately answered, that he doesn't want to be a doctor. "Why?" his teacher asked.

"I want to be an engineer like Uncle Kim Leong", says Brendan.

Now, daddy is also an engineer, but he'd rather be an engineer like Uncle Kim Leong (my brother) than like his daddy! How comforting that is to daddy! haha.

Brendan's teacher then asked him, "What is your mummy's occupation?"

Brendan replied, "My mummy is a boss".

Gosh, he was the talk among the teachers with that innocent reply.

Seriously, I do not know where he get that from. Hmm.....

Smelly Ant

The kids have always been fascinated with the little ants in our house.

Brendan has his scientific term for the different kind of ants - Red Ants bite people. Black ants are nice ants cos they don't bite. Flying ants can fly but you don't hit it because it may be a bee. Smelly ants you don't touch because afterwards your hand chao-chao.

I personally hate those 'smelly ants' cos they really smell when I try to take the cloth to wipe them away. If Brendan is nearby, he'll go "Aaahhhh!!! Smelly ant! Chao-Chao!!"

hahaha..... I'd better go get ant bait before we all faint with the terrific smell!

"Cute hor"

From most than a week, Eryn's nanny was away to visit her grown up daughter. So, I was at home with Eryn for 2 days, and took her around with me for the other days.

Last Monday, there was a Raya makan in my freelance workplace. Eryn came along and had fun mingling with some of the aunties at mummy's workplace. She ate lots and lots of chocolates, cakes and sweets and that's all she ate for lunch.

Everyone commented that she looks like a boy and said that she looks so cute. Eryn will then give her widest smile and with a twinkle in her eyes, she'll say "Cute hor..." Everyone around her laughed at her cuteness.

Then, a few days later, mummy took Eryn to her other workplace and one uncle commented, "Wah... you're such a smart boy!", not realising what he had just said. When someone said, "You're so cute...", Eryn will again give her sweetest smile and say, "Cute hor..."

On a separate occasiona, Eryn followed mummy & daddy to a friend's wedding dinner in Eastin Hotel. A photographer spotted her and started snapping away... Eryn started posing for the camera and here are some of the outcome :

"What happened?"

I was on my notebook while DH was reading newspaper and watching the TV. 2 years old Eryn was sitting in the hall, playing with her toys and flipping through her storybooks.

ntv7 was showing the LIVE EARTH concert and Sarah Brightman was on stage singing a song, in a very high opera voice.. Suddenly, Eryn stopped doing her stuffs and asked, "What happened?"

Here goes the conversation :

Eryn : What happened?
DH : What happened what?
Eryn : What happened to Auntie?
Me : starts laughing
Eryn : What is Auntie doing? with a 'what's going on' look on her face.
DH : Auntie is singing lor..
Eryn : Terrible.
DH : Terrible??
Eryn : Terrible hor...

Hahahaha.. that was so funny....

No money loh....

With prices of most things shooting up, we try not to spend unnecessarily on unnecessary stuffs to avoid unnecessary wants, such as branded goods, toys (most are hand-me-downs), going to expensive restaurants, etc.

Poh-poh (my mum) is a very thrifty person and every morning, when she takes Brendan out to buy newspaper from the cafetaria, she'll tell Brendan "You need money to buy newspaper. No money, no newspaper". Brendan will grasp the RM1.20 very tightly in his little tiny fist and proceed to pay the auntie at the counter.

When Brendan doesn't finish his milk, poh-poh will say "Finish your milk, afterwards mummy no money buy milk". Sometimes he does, sometimes he doesn't.

When Brendan doesn't finish his food, poh-poh goes "Finish your food, afterwards no money mum-mum. You see that boy on TV or not? No money, no food to eat loh. Thin Thin Sick Sick" (referring to one news feature of an African boy who was malnourished).

This doesn't happen all the time, unless Brendan is extermely degil (stubborn).

Brendan sometimes has this habit of climbing on my lap while I'm having my dinner. So last night, he took my spoon and ate the rice from my plate. Then he continued pressing the rice and giggling at the rice splattering all over the plate.

"Brendan, mummy is hungry and mummy wants to eat. Please get down", I said to Brendan.

"Clang clang clang...... Brendan cooking", Brendan replied.

Some grains of rice was on the table and the floor and this got me a little worked up.

I told him in a stern voice, "Brendan, see what you did?! Don't play and put the fork and spoon back on the plate! Afterwards mummy no money buy rice, Brendan eat what?!"

Brendan replied in that sweet little childish voice with an innocent look, "Eat tahi lor....!"

Gosh..... I really had to burst out laughing. sigh!

How's my car?

My hubby is not the type who will buy gifts on special occasions. Nor is he the type who will call every single night to check on us whenever he’s outstation.

He’s now in Germany for a 3 weeks’ training. And he only calls once a week, if not every few days. Sometime last week he called, and the conversation went like this :

Hubby : Hello! How’s everything at home?
Me : Fine. ….. blah blah blah
Hubby ; How’s my car?
Me : What?! Your car?
Hubby : hehehe… I dreamt that my car got stolen last night.
Me : Oooo….. so you’re only calling to ask about your car …. Useless……
Hubby : No lah, but scared my car get stolen mah……
…………………..

See? This kind of chinaman hubby also got wan….

Toddler language

Eversince I deliver Eryn, Brendan started talking and talking and talking, and most of the time at home. Outside, he’ll be as quiet as a mouse. Like all toddlers, his pronounciation wasn’t matured yet, but it’s improving by the day. To understand toddler talks, you have to be a parent to a toddler to understand the “foreign” language.

Some of his earlier pronounciation of some words were as follows :

Motorcycle – Moto-Ah-Geh
Crocodile – Koh-koh-die
This one - Jee Jahn
Don’t want - Duu when (we initially thought he said durian)
Shoe - Chooo
Socks - Chocks
Firecrackers - Far-yea-kah-kek

Now, this is Brendan’s favourite “rhyme”. You guess what it is:

“Chooo maa ker kah daddy coe.
Daddy chit ay pane go mea chee koe”

Kids say the darnest things!

Situation 1 – Brendan & mummy playing with a set of wild animals toys (given by a friend) for the first time.

Mummy : What’s this? (holding a tiger)
Brendan : tah-geh
Mummy : What about this? (holding a giraffe)
Brendan : jee-ghap
Mummy : What’s this? (holding a lion)
Brendan : nai-yen
Mummy : What’s this? (holding a hippopotamus)
Brendan : cow
Mummy : What?!! Cow? Hahahahahaha. No, this is a hippo!!
Brendan : hahahahahaha. Hippo! Hippo!


Situation 2 – Brendan and mummy going for a walk downstairs around the apartment.

Brendan : Mummy! Mummy!
Mummy : Yes, Brendan?
Brendan : Old man. Got one eye.
Mummy : One eye? Where?
Brendan : There (pointing to a four-wheel drive)
Mummy : Huh? Where?
Brendan : There….. Uncle drive car.
Mummy : Oh, the uncle who drives this car has only one eye is it?
Brendan : (nods head). Car accident. Bom! Eye gone.

Brendan takes mummy hand and walks towards the four-wheel drive.
Brendan points at the picture by the car door which is actually the face of a pirate with one eye covered. Hahaha.


Situation 3 – Brendan and mummy shopping in Tesco on Hari Raya Haji eve. There was a huge piece of meat hanging from a pole, with some blood on the plastic mat below it

Brendan : Mummy, mummy. See….. got blood. (pointing to the blood on the floor)
Mummy : eeeee…… don’t go near there Brendan. It’s dirty.
Brendan : Mummy, mummy. Blood! Accident. Cow die.

Haiyo….. the things this fella says! Don’t know where he learns from.


Situation 4 – Mummy came back from work.

Brendan : Mummy, poh-poh cut pandan leep.
Mummy : Oh! Brendan follow poh-poh to cut pandan leaves ar?
Poh-Poh : Brendan, poh-poh use pandan leaves to cook what?
Brendan : Barley…… Chweet potato choop (as in sweet potato soup)…….Kaya......Kitchin lice (as in chicken rice)…… Jen-nee (as in jelly)….. Boh-Boh-Cha-Cha……


Situation 5 - Brendan and his poh-poh (grandma) were having a conversation.

Poh-poh : What’s mei-mei’s name?
Brendan : Aye-Reen (as in Eryn)
Poh-poh : What’s daddy’s name?
Brendan : (says his daddy’s name correctly)
Poh-Poh : What’s mummy’s name?
Brendan : (says his mummy’s name correctly)
Poh-Poh : What’s poh-poh’s name?
Brendan : (says poh-poh’s name correctly)
Poh-poh : What’s kong kong’s (grandpa) name?
Brendan : Ah-na Ah-na Ah-na Ah-na(grandpa likes to go “ah-na ah-na ah-na” whenever Brendan makes lots of noise)

Lion dance performer

Brendan trying to do his lion dance performance for all at home. One 'stiff' performer :-)

Home Orchestra

The flu season is in. Everyone in the house were either sneezing, coughing, sniffing, talking in a coarse voice and the two kids are making all sort of orchestra.

This mini orchestra had been going on for quite a while. My little girl is not that badly affected and I believe it's the power of breastmilk. With Christmas around the corner, I wonder what kind of Christmas we'll be having.

It's "nggghhhhmmm" here and "heeeekkk heeeekkk" there, "sqeirubndfsbdt" here and "sigh...." there....

Kids at play

Brendan is quite a neat person and always arrange his toys back properly. He would sometimes take whatever his little sister is holding and put it back into the toy basket. Sometimes, he'll smack Eryn on the head, pull her legs, press her cheeks (yes, he just LOVE doing that!) and roll beside Eryn whenever she's on her tummy time. He can happily take out his toys for some of his friends to play but when Eryn tries to dig out the toys, he'll quickly gather them up and store them away. Eryn will always cry whenever he does that. sigh!

However, there are times too when Eryn loves having her brother playing with her. He can just go and hug her, kiss her, press her cheeks (yes, again!), pat her and just make her laughs. Eryn laughs the loudest when her kor-kor has the mood to play with her.

Yesterday, one of my good buddy asked how should she tackle sibling jealousy once her second one arrived in 2 months' time. I told her that I'm definitely not the person she should ask. hehehe

Here is just one of those many moments.....

Naked babe on the loose.

Help! Help! My butt is stuck!
Oh, just my luck!












Mmmmnnnnngggghhhhhh.....
Come on, a bit more....
Mmmmmnnnnggghhhhhh....















Hahaha, the naked babe on the loose
And mummy is so amused!









My poo is just about
going to be out,
Hey, don't you laugh out loud
Or I'm gonna pout!

Banana man

I find this to be very funny and thought I should include it here.

I know of some friends who are what we call the "xiang-jiao-ren", directly translated as"banana man", literally means a chinese fella who can't speak chinese.

This story was brought up in our steamboat gathering yesterday.

During our school days, we used to have Mandarin classes scheduled for the Chinese while the Malays attend their Islamic classes and the Indians attend their tamil classes.

In one particular class, our skinny Mandarin language teacher (who likes calling people "da-fan-su", or "big potato") called on some of the students to name an animal in Mandarin. One of my classmate, who is, well... was, a definite "xiang-jiao-ren" was called, and it went something like this :

T : (in mandarin) E, please name me an animal.
E : (in mandarin) "Ju-Ba-Jie"

*everyone started laughing*

T : (in mandarin) You think that is funny is it?
E : What's wrong? "Ju-Ba-Jie" is a pig wat..
(innocent looking and totally blur over what the big hoo-haa was all about)
T : (in mandarin) I want you to go to the field and run two rounds.

E went to the field and ran 800 metres in total. Well, E said that he should have answer "Sun-Wu-Kong".

poor thing......

Laughing baby

Babies.... They are such magnificient beings created by God. No matter how stressed and tired you are, they bring you the joy and gives you the medicine for the sadness. They are what I call the "antibiotic" solution after a weary day.

When I was much, much younger, I used to frown on parents with babies who cry, poo, puke, makes a fuss, scream etc. Then when I got older, I couldn't imagine how people can have babies living with them, draining out all the energy from their daddies and mummies. To me, babies are always so so so cute. Well, "nice to play with" according to most of my single friends, but "not to take care of". Then, when I got pregnant, I knew my carefree lifestyle is over. Caring for a baby takes lots and lots of time and effort (not to mention the money). I knew that there's lots of responsibilities, there will be the lack of sleep and the adjustment of my lifestyle to suit a new comer to the family. BUT...... I didn't expect more than that than what I had imagined and expected. It took more than that to be a mother!! Well, time is the factor that brings you through the phase day by day and by God's grace, I'm still taking a day at a time, absorbing all the baby vibes around me. Though the thick and thin, I know that I'll pull through....

Here's one of the many many many best moments I've ever had in my WHOLE life....


Eryn (4 months) laughing at the sound that daddy is making.

Little Echo.

Grandma & Daddy were sitting in the hall. Mummy was having dinner at the dining hall. Mei-mei was kicking in her bouncinette and Brendan was sitting around minding his own business.

We were all having a conversation.

Mummy : blah blah blah... we have lots of things going on lately and I'll be very busy.
Brendan : bee-shee
Grandma : blah blah blah... so, I'll follow Raymond back to Kluang in his new car.
Brendan : kah
Daddy : .blah blah blah.... we'll take turns to take leave.
Brendan : liff
Mei-Mei : *gurgle gurgle* weahh....... (crying for milk)
Brendan : weahhh weahhh... ( going towards mei mei )
Mummy : Brendan, don't disturb mei mei
Brendan : mei mei
Mummy : blah blah blah..... ok, I'm going to pump now (takes pump towards the room).
Brendan : (eyes brighten up) ha ha ha... pom pom pom.... ( follows mummy to the room ).
Mummy : don't be a busy body, Brendan.
Brendan : bor-jhee.
Mummy : ya ya ya, bor-jhee. Kepochee lah you...
Brendan : ha ha ha ( pretending that he's holding the breastpump and pumping milk )

"mandi kerbau"

Brendan saw mummy entering room.
Brendan follows.
Mummy's not in the room. Mummy's in the bathroom.
Brendan goes : Eh? Mama? (softly)
Mummy : (silent)
Brendan, knocking on bathroom door : Mama? (softly)
Mummy : (silent still)
Brendan : Mama? Mama?! (louder)
Mummy : (silent than ever)
Brendan : MAMA?! MA MEE?! MA MEEEEEEE!!!!
Mummy : Yes, Brendan? Mummy's in the toilet. Mummy wants to pom-pom (shower)
(Brendan takes a stool to the bathroom door and opens it).
Brendan : Mama? (softly again) pom-pom? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
(Brendan closes door and runs off happily....)
sigh!

Who is this?

A conversation between Brendan and his po-po (maternal grandma) :

Po-po : Who is this? (pointing to mummy)
Brendan : ma ma
Po-po : Who is this? (pointing to daddy)
Brendan : dhat-jee (as in "daddy")
Po-po : Who is this? (pointing to baby Eryn)
Brendan : mei-mei
Po-po : Who is this? (pointing to her ownself, at the neck)
Brendan : neck